* Missing my fiance *
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
So im told that in life, we dont get all that we want.
Coz if thats wrong, i'll be a filthy-rich goddess, be 5 inches taller, drives a lamborghini, and have twelve toy-boys etc etc..
well, yeah right.. So, its a lil far-fetched , but to think bout it again, what if i want for myself to be earning a good fat paycheck, looks 5 inch taller in a pair of comfortable heels, drives a jambu car all made over and looks like a poorer cousin of lamborghini, and still wish for twelve toy-boys for every month of the year -- these look more achievable and bound to happen insya allah, well except the last one of course. *grinz*.
I should have known it is all in the mind. Ultimately, its how you go about getting what you want. Definitely, have to learn to stop questioning my capabilities and thinking negatively till i scared the bimbo out of myself, and worse still, end up dissapointing me.
Argh. Talking in codes AGAIN.
Im eating C++ and regurgitating JAVA these days.
Damn.
Today was the worst ive ever felt in a lightyear.
In the morning, i realised i do not want to be a teacher for life.
In the afternoon, i realised i have been wasting time on what i thot i am good at doing.
In the evening, i realised (for real now) that Love wont be there (physically) for me as and when i need him.
But then now...
i realised, to be a teacher is my ambition since i was a little girl, and deep down, i know i have "it" in me.
i realised, i should be proud of myself that ive given my best and though i know i can do better, i should learn well from it, pick myself up and never-ever wallow in self pity.
Last of all, i realised(big time), that its silly to blame Love for his job and jump to a conclusion just from one incident. I dont deny there will be more of him-not-around to come. But thinking back again, he always make time for me when he is in Singapore, so much so that i can swear, he spends more time with me then his family. And when he is overseas, i always feel blessed and loved by his actions.He never fails to call me, even if its for a quick 10seconds. And just hearing his voice, or read his cheeky/sweet/jiwang smses, brings a smile to my face. Simple yet meaningful. Just like that.
Well, simply said, its everyting he is that makes me appreciate him and feel so grateful im meant to be with him.
I just pray that i wont ever take him for granted. No never.
Love you.
And sweet darlin', i love the way you let me be so comfortable being myself. Thank you.
Coz if thats wrong, i'll be a filthy-rich goddess, be 5 inches taller, drives a lamborghini, and have twelve toy-boys etc etc..
well, yeah right.. So, its a lil far-fetched , but to think bout it again, what if i want for myself to be earning a good fat paycheck, looks 5 inch taller in a pair of comfortable heels, drives a jambu car all made over and looks like a poorer cousin of lamborghini, and still wish for twelve toy-boys for every month of the year -- these look more achievable and bound to happen insya allah, well except the last one of course. *grinz*.
I should have known it is all in the mind. Ultimately, its how you go about getting what you want. Definitely, have to learn to stop questioning my capabilities and thinking negatively till i scared the bimbo out of myself, and worse still, end up dissapointing me.
Argh. Talking in codes AGAIN.
Im eating C++ and regurgitating JAVA these days.
Damn.
Today was the worst ive ever felt in a lightyear.
In the morning, i realised i do not want to be a teacher for life.
In the afternoon, i realised i have been wasting time on what i thot i am good at doing.
In the evening, i realised (for real now) that Love wont be there (physically) for me as and when i need him.
But then now...
i realised, to be a teacher is my ambition since i was a little girl, and deep down, i know i have "it" in me.
i realised, i should be proud of myself that ive given my best and though i know i can do better, i should learn well from it, pick myself up and never-ever wallow in self pity.
Last of all, i realised(big time), that its silly to blame Love for his job and jump to a conclusion just from one incident. I dont deny there will be more of him-not-around to come. But thinking back again, he always make time for me when he is in Singapore, so much so that i can swear, he spends more time with me then his family. And when he is overseas, i always feel blessed and loved by his actions.He never fails to call me, even if its for a quick 10seconds. And just hearing his voice, or read his cheeky/sweet/jiwang smses, brings a smile to my face. Simple yet meaningful. Just like that.
Well, simply said, its everyting he is that makes me appreciate him and feel so grateful im meant to be with him.
I just pray that i wont ever take him for granted. No never.
Love you.
And sweet darlin', i love the way you let me be so comfortable being myself. Thank you.
