ahh.. so lovely
Monday, May 23, 2005
Oh goodness, im bloated fr0m the l0vely pizza treat fr0m daddy at JB.. Ahhhhhhhh finally, i get t0 eat pizza, after such a l0ng wait since examinati0n days.. It was a freakin tiring but awesomely excellent *wink2* day.. haha.. It started from 9 am in the m0rning. Me, mommie, busu n daddie went to ziarah our late grandmama (daddie's mom). She passed away on 22 Jan this yr. Its been like 4 months n i haven even ziarah her at all.. B4 we reached there, daddie was telling me n mommie 2 b str0ng n c0ntr0l 0urselves fr0m crying much.. When he said tat, deep d0wn in my heart, i was darn c0nfident tat i w0nt.. I believe im str0ng enuff t0 h0ld it back. But then, 0nce we were there, seing s0 many headst0nes across acres of land, tears started to trickled d0wn ma cheeks.. Then, when daddie told us to read the d0a f0r entering the cemetary (malay version doa), i juz feel sadder.
The doa, " Assalamualaikum, ya ahli kubur. Sesungguhnya engkau telah pergi terlebih dahulu dari kami. Insya Allah kami akan menuruti kamu nanti. Semoga kita sama-sama di dalam rahmat dan belas kasihan Allah.Amin."
It is so true. I cant describe h0w it feels when i recite tat doa. It sumh0w hit the ultimate soft part deep d0wn in me.. It makes me realise h0w sh0rt life is n h0w ungrateful i am towards my living.. When we reach late grandma's kubur, we read d0a n sprinkle rose water with lots of flowers on top of it. I could see insects, centipedes, bugs,ants crawling all over. I c0uldnt help crying, but im glad i could hold back the n0ises i sh0uld haf made, n it ended up sounding like s0me weird sniffles.
On our way to JB, i was in deep th0ughts. I was w0ndering, why i am the way i am n0w. Y couldnt i bec0me much better? Its n0t that i d0 n0t haf the right path in fr0nt 0f me. Its there, i juz d0 n0t want t0 walk 0n it. Sumting is wr0ng b0ut me. Im h0lding back f0r s0mething, which i didnt kn0w what it is. I kn0w i will walk tat path one day, but its not now. But y? I wont be at a lost if i walk it now. But y? Last nite, i was smsing one of my fren, who wished me happi b'day, n he said he's juz 20, two years ago. I told him, time flies fast. Juz hope that we had made the best out of it ourselves. It kept me thinking.. I d0nn0 hw such wonderful n meaningful words flow easily from me but i nvr did reflect on how true it realli is.. I guess this is my reflection for my 20th birthday.
I din celebrate much last weekends.. Went to 3 kenduri n one majlis maulid nabi.. haha.. Watever it is, Im so glad that it rained heavily tat saturday(21st may).. I love the rain. How could people hate it?. Its so calming n soothing... *smiles* I miss walking in the rain. I seriously do.. That day, i d0nn0 wat g0t int0 me. I went to daddie, salam n hug him loads. We din say much but i knew wat he wanna say n i bet my life that he knew wat i wanna say too.. N theres the eyes to look at.. The eyes never lies.. I truly believe tat.. Growing up, i felt much more closer n closer to daddie.. I tink he knows me inside out. He's the onli one who cn hit the soft spot in me.. Wif my family, im alwys the tough one.. I know i aint tat tough. But im good at pretending tat i am.. N 0nli daddie knows it. haha.. weird. When peepz alwys say mom knows best.. Well, mommie knows 2nd best.. But n0 matter wat, i love both equally..
The doa, " Assalamualaikum, ya ahli kubur. Sesungguhnya engkau telah pergi terlebih dahulu dari kami. Insya Allah kami akan menuruti kamu nanti. Semoga kita sama-sama di dalam rahmat dan belas kasihan Allah.Amin."
It is so true. I cant describe h0w it feels when i recite tat doa. It sumh0w hit the ultimate soft part deep d0wn in me.. It makes me realise h0w sh0rt life is n h0w ungrateful i am towards my living.. When we reach late grandma's kubur, we read d0a n sprinkle rose water with lots of flowers on top of it. I could see insects, centipedes, bugs,ants crawling all over. I c0uldnt help crying, but im glad i could hold back the n0ises i sh0uld haf made, n it ended up sounding like s0me weird sniffles.
On our way to JB, i was in deep th0ughts. I was w0ndering, why i am the way i am n0w. Y couldnt i bec0me much better? Its n0t that i d0 n0t haf the right path in fr0nt 0f me. Its there, i juz d0 n0t want t0 walk 0n it. Sumting is wr0ng b0ut me. Im h0lding back f0r s0mething, which i didnt kn0w what it is. I kn0w i will walk tat path one day, but its not now. But y? I wont be at a lost if i walk it now. But y? Last nite, i was smsing one of my fren, who wished me happi b'day, n he said he's juz 20, two years ago. I told him, time flies fast. Juz hope that we had made the best out of it ourselves. It kept me thinking.. I d0nn0 hw such wonderful n meaningful words flow easily from me but i nvr did reflect on how true it realli is.. I guess this is my reflection for my 20th birthday.
I din celebrate much last weekends.. Went to 3 kenduri n one majlis maulid nabi.. haha.. Watever it is, Im so glad that it rained heavily tat saturday(21st may).. I love the rain. How could people hate it?. Its so calming n soothing... *smiles* I miss walking in the rain. I seriously do.. That day, i d0nn0 wat g0t int0 me. I went to daddie, salam n hug him loads. We din say much but i knew wat he wanna say n i bet my life that he knew wat i wanna say too.. N theres the eyes to look at.. The eyes never lies.. I truly believe tat.. Growing up, i felt much more closer n closer to daddie.. I tink he knows me inside out. He's the onli one who cn hit the soft spot in me.. Wif my family, im alwys the tough one.. I know i aint tat tough. But im good at pretending tat i am.. N 0nli daddie knows it. haha.. weird. When peepz alwys say mom knows best.. Well, mommie knows 2nd best.. But n0 matter wat, i love both equally..
A few days ago, i overheard daddie talking to Along. He said h0w much he appreciate me. He told ma sis tat between me n her, i am much more responsible towards my family compared to my sis. N he said that he knows im always stress bout the responsibilities, but nonetheless, i alwys managed to do it. He also said that he knows i cried bout my family much more than my sis did. Lastly he told ma sis tat he realli appreciate me.. I cried when i overheard him saying all that.. It meant alot to me. Finally i know that my family realli appreciate wat ive done. Coz ive started to think tat they took me for granted.. But y couldnt he say it 2 me? Isit difficult?.. It makes me wonder, y its so difficult for people who love n care so much bout each other to express their feelings of love n gratitude 2wards one another..I guess those peeps who r supposedly "in love", n said numerous n countless times of " i love u " is not really in the ultimate true n real love yet.. Coz when u realli love sum1, u dont say it, believe me, u realli COULDNT.. U will try to substitute it by doing things to show hw much u realli appreciate them. No words cn describe ur love for them. Its definitely unexplainable.. Period.
Aniwaes, this week gonna be fun.. Im practically out everiday. So many peepz wna meet me up n gif me prezzies.. haha.. i love it!!.. Gonna get free treats too.. lol.. I'll update u guys bout it ait.. Take care n may the force be wif u!
Ps: these pics we took b4 maulid ceremony.. haha.. sempat bergambar oi..
